I think I'm part-way through a pretty serious mental fuckupedness. Setting aside the medical jargon, I am on a stomach-turning broad spectrum antibiotic because of a viral illness that doctor's can only attribute to stress. I have pretty swift changes in how I feel from bouncy and healthy to down and definately i'll. Granted I haven't been eating well and have been swallowing down rather than facing up to alot of the issues right now, but still I have never had stress so overwhelming that it actually overwhelms me. I can't even sit down and start to finish a project without instantly comprehending all of the unstarted ones and just flipping out. I can't even go on I'm getting upset just talking about it. Point is I've never had this happen before.
I wish I was spending more time having fun. My classload isn't just tough on my body its tough on my relationship with Carolyn and my ability to emotionally support my mom. On top of the climax of 24 units and some work on the side tuesday would have been my parents' 36th anneversary. I felt horrible that I couldn't focus enough to do something nice for my mom and everytime I tried to talk to her I just melted.
It almost bugs me more that what comes out of this is not a push for control but a sigh of indifference. And not even indifference, I just get stuck in apathetic mode and can't shake it. This whole post is a testimate to this depressing spiral of depressingness.
In good news Prom is friday and no matter what that is gonna be a ton of fun. Umm, I'm not sure what else to say. But there is some other happy stuff that, like always, outweighs the bad tenfold. Just hard to see that sometimes.